#161: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Release Date: July 7th, 2006

Format: Outdoor Screening (Fontainebleau)

Written by: Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio

Directed by: Gore Verbinski

2 Stars

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest is not a good movie. It’s too long, its hammy performances wear you down by the second hour, and its plot is too convoluted. Did I mention that it’s too long? 

It’s just not a good movie. So there, that’s out of the way.

Instead, fall in love with the sheer magnitude of this production. Released in 2006, just months after Disney’s acquisition of Pixar, and before streaming and smartphones were even a concept in the minds of their corporate executives, Disney threw their entire might, and $225 million, into the sequel of the somewhat surprise hit from three years earlier, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. 

Dead Man’s Chest was the most expensive production ever and it had the world’s biggest movie star at the absolute pinnacle of his career (at least commercially).

And it’s all a colossal waste of time, at least artistically. A gratuitous cash-grab based on a hokey theme park ride from the 1960s, of all things. 

But who cares? 

This is Disney, like the mythical Kraken, wrapping its tentacles around the movie industry, unstoppable, grasping at the Marvel and Star Wars universes, the poor little fishies, and getting ready to plunge them into the deep to be eaten alive. 

It’s awful and awesome all at once.