#327: Thinner

Release Date: October 25th, 1996

Format: Streaming (Tubi)

Written by: Michael McDowell and Tom Holland

Directed by: Tom Holland

1.5 Stars

After watching Jeepers Creepers (#326) last night, I decided why not watch another horror flick that I haven’t seen in decades, so I checked in with my ol’ friend Tubi and fired up 1996’s Thinner, a Stephen King adaptation about an obese lawyer named Billy Halleck (Robert John Burke) who accidentally kills an old gypsy woman (Irma St. Paule) with his car while driving home one evening from a restaurant. 

Billy is well-connected in his small town’s judiciary, so he’s able to conspire with the judge (John Horton) and also convince the town’s police chief (Daniel von Bargen; Mr. Kruger for Seinfeld fans) to perjure himself, testifying that Billy had no alcohol in his system (not true; the police didn’t run the tests) and was not distracted while driving (also not true; leading up to the accident, Billy was receiving oral sex from his wife). 

Based on these corrupted proceedings, the judge finds that there are no grounds for charging Billy with manslaughter and lets him go.               

Once outside the courthouse, Billy is confronted by the old gypsy woman’s father, the 106-year-old Tadzu Lempke (Michael Constantine). Tadzu mutters the word “thinner” and brushes his hand against Billy’s face. What the fat, unsuspecting lawyer doesn’t know is that a curse has just been placed on him in which he will rapidly lose weight until he dies.

I can’t speak to the novel, as I’ve never read it, but watching Thinner I was taken with how lifelessly the film moves along. With almost a complete lack of atmosphere or tension, writer/director Tom Holland (Psycho II, Fright Night, Child’s Play) moves us from scene to scene, taking us from one plot detail to another. 

It’s got no style, no umph! Holland lights the scenes too warmly, the film’s score falls somewhere between ineffective and unremarkable, and the actors’ performances aren’t dialed in effectively.

It’s a movie that’s not necessarily uninteresting, rather it’s just blandly existing.

That’s a problem. This should be a sinister body horror flick, full of gypsies and evil mysticism, and a desperate man who will do anything to lift his curse, even kill his own family.

By the time Thinner gets to its macabre twist ending, it’s too late. It can’t revive this lifeless film.